emo (? i think so.) tional.

All I need is my pen and paper to write you out of my life.

There's a burden to being seen and heard

because I am not all there.

Another word, and I am gone.  Stay quiet for me to disappear.

I'll look for you once we pass the hardest bridge.

Out there where no one can find us, I'll take my chances.

This cry for help will go to ashes

before someone turns twice to bother, and save me, please.

I don't need the eyes burning through me

to render me invisible.

All I need is my satin veil to hide these flaws.

what i wish i cld say

to the one who took everything away,

you've changed it into something unspeakable. how can you separate body from soul and walk away from the wreck like it's nothing? i want it back. and though i've come close to forgiving you, i still hope you die because i can't but already have.

to the one i want more than anything,

you breathe and i memorize. i have no idea what i'm doing but if you could read my mind, you'd know i didn't mean it. it's crazy because i find myself thinking farther ahead than usual with you and more than half of me hopes we'll end up in the same place at the same time. when you're gone, it's as if i'm erasing the most recent seconds. so don't stay away for too long. i promise i'll follow if you lead.

to the one who "knows" me,

you can't expect me to rise to your level because the reach is too far. i've fallen into this trap and the survivors take hold before me. so i'm still here, at the bottom of the blackest hole, watching the faces race ahead in a blur. and this disease that digs its claws into me, it's harder to take pride now.

to the one who is always laughing,

i kind of wish i were you. i watch in awe at the way you glide into the room with ease and command all attention. what must it be like to catch eyes and hearts? what must it be like to be loved?

to the one who neglected me,

you've done it again. you don't know me, so i can't blame you, and i can't expect you to have a glimmer of an idea about what you did to me. now i'm questioning where i used to be confident. and one day, you were gone with nothing more to say. is it because i made it perfectly clear on one end of the scale? but somehow you didn't catch the other. don't try that because i saw you. and you passed right through me.

to the one who sits before me, beside me, behind me,

....

why bother? i've given up on trying.

to the one who i pass everyday,

we're constantly on a teeter totter but that miraculous twist of fate never befell us. but there are still days i look up and i'm overtaken.

to the one who i share all my memories,

tell me. just tell me.

to the one i'll see one day,

there are times when i still remember how bad you hurt me. and the chance never came up again to tell you. because i feel like you need to know. but we're fine now, so why would i go and screw everything up? maybe because i'm really good at that.

to the one i wish i could write to,

sometimes i have dreams of you walking through that door right there and suddenly my entire childhood (well most of it) comes flooding back. i wonder if you'll ever bring that childhood back.

to the one i owe a hug,

i hope everything works out okay because i know. it's horrible. and i almost cried and it's fucking scary. i miss you a lot... even though you are usually just around the corner.

to the both of you (you're essentially the same),

i still want to know because i'm a creature of the past. did you ever figure it out? it shouldn't have been obvious, but maybe it was. now that it's something we can laugh about, did you ever feel the same way?